Lady Jane

It nearly broke the family's heart
W
hen Lady Jane became a tart.
But
blood is blood and race is race,
And so to save the family's face
T
hey bought for her an expensive boat
On the shady side of Germain Street.

It was not long before our Jane
With her patrician grace could claim
A  clientele of sahibs pukkah
Who regularly
called to fuck her.
And,
tis said, though without malice,
She had a boyfriend at the palace.

It did not please the family more
When Lady Anne became a whore,
But they could not do the same
As they h ad done
for Lady Jane
They bought for her a Mayfair flat
With 'Welcome' written on the mat.

No prick in her could seek an entry
Unless it came from landed gentry;
No balls could nestle in her charms
Unless they bore a coat of arms.
And, before the sun had set,
She'd worked her way right through Debrett.

It did not take the family's fancy
When Lord DeVere became a Nancy,

And so in order to protect him
They had inscribed above his rectum:
“All other ranks must travel steerage.
This passage is reserved for peerage."