ALL-PURPOSE:
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He's no fucking use to anyone, he's no fucking use at all.
Why are we waiting? Why are we waiting?
Oh, why are we waiting, oh, why, why, why?
(repeat ad nauseum)
AFRICAN COLONIAL:
Drink it down, you zulu warrior,
Drink it down, you zulu chief-chief-chief-chief!
Aye zicka zumba,
zumba, zumba,
Aye zicka zumba, zumba, zay!
(repeat chorus)
AMERICAN (GENERAL):
Yankee Doodle went to town, a riding on a poji.
He stuck a feather up his ass and called it macaroni.
Yankee Doodle get it up!
Yankee Doodle Dandy,
Mind the boozing and the clap, and with the girls be randy!
Over hill, over dale, we have hit the dusty trail, And those
caissons go rolling along.
"Counter march! Right about!”
Hear the quartermaster fart,
While those caissons go rolling along.
AMERICAN (MARINE):
The
first
Marine, he found the bean, parlay-voo.
The
second Marine, he cooked the bean, parlay-voo.
The
third Marine, he ate the bean,
Blew
a hole in the submarine.
Hinky dinky parlay-voo.
The fourth Marine retired in Seoul, parlay-voo.
The fourth Marine retired in Seoul, parlay-voo.
The fourth Marine retired in Seoul,
Now you find him on the dole.
Hinky dinky parlay-voo.
AUSTRALIAN:
Once
a jolly swagman -
Waltzing
Matilda, Waltzing Matilda,
You’ll
come a waltzing, Matilda, with me.
And he sang as he sat and waited by the billabong,
“You’ll come a waltzing, Matilda, with me."
BRITISH (GENERAL):
Rule, Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Five Chinese crackers up your asshole,
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!
Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam,
Three Chinese crackers up your asshole,
BANG...BANG
...BANG!
Rule
Britannia, marmalade and jam,
On
Chinese cracker up your asshole,
…BANG!
BRITISH
(MILITARY):
Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through brambles
And
they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch'em,
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
COWBOY:
Home, home on the range,
Where the deer and the antelope play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
DANISH:
There is nothin' like a Dane, nothin' in the
world,
There is nothin' you can name
that is anythin' like a Dane!
Nothin’ sucks like a Dane,
Nothin’ fucks like a Dane,
Nothin’ drinks like a Dane,
Nothin’ stinks like a Dane…
DUTCH:
There’s the highland Dutch and the lowland Dutch
And the Rotterdam Dutch and the goddam Dutch.
Glorious, glorious, another keg of beer for the four of us.
Glory be to God that there are no more of us,
For one of us could drink it all alone.
FRENCH:
Alouette, gentille alouette,
Alouette, je to plumerais.
--Je
te
plumerais "the douche" ...
--Je te plumerais "the
douche" ...
Et "the douche"...
--Et"the douche"...
Alouette...
--Alouette...
Ah, alouette...
GERMAN:
Three German officers crossed the Rhine, parlay-voo.
Three German officers crossed the Rhine, parylay-voo.
Three German officers crossed the Rhine,
Fucked the women and drank the wine,
Hinky dinky parlay-voo.
parlay-voo. parlay-voo.
They came upon a wayside inn, parlay-voo.
They came upon a wayside inn,
parlay-voo.
They came upon a wayside inn,
Shat on the mat and walked right in,
Hinky dinky parlay-voo.
GOOD OLE BOY:
I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old times are not forgotten,
Look away, look away, Dixie Land.
Then I wish was in Dixie, hooray, hooray!
I'll take my stand with dick in hand,
To live and die in Dixie.
Away, away, away down south in Dixie!
IRANIAN:
(In the manner of the Hallelujah chorus)
AAA-Yatollah, AAA-Yatollah,
Aya Ayatollah, Ayatollah, A-Ya-AAA Tollah, -Yatollah, AAA-Yatollah,
Ay atollah, Ayatollah, A-Ya-Tollah,
IRISH:
When Irish eyes are smiling, sure it's like a morn in spring.
In the lilt of Irish laughter, you can hear the
angels sing.
“Motherfucker!”
KOREAN:
(After much clearing of phlegm)
Arirang, arirang, arariyo,
Arirang kogaero nomokanda.
MEXICAN:
La cucaracha, la cucaracha, ya no puede caminar;
Porque no tiene, porque le falta marihuana que fumar.
NEW JERSEY:
(theme from "The Godfather," hummed with feeling)
NEW YORKER:
East side,
west side, all around the town,
The tots play Ring-a-Rosie, London Bridge is Falling Down.
Boys and girls together, me and Mamie O'Rourke,
We trip the light fantastic on the sidewalks of New York.
NEW ZEALANDER:
I’m gettin' Maoried in the morning!
Ding
dong! The bells are gonna
chime.
Pull out
the stopper! Let's have a whopper!
Get me to
Christchurch on time!
SCOT:
Oh,
ye'll take the high road, and I'll take the low road,
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye.
But me and my true love we'll never meet again
On the
bonnie, bonnie banks of
Loch Lomond.
SURFER:
Everybody's
goin' surfin', surfin' U.S.A.
(repeat endlessly)
TEXAN:
The stars at
night are big and bright
Deep in the heart of Texas.
The prairie
dogs they fuck like hogs
Deep in the heart of Texas.
The Prairie deer are mighty queer
Deep in the heart of Texas.
TIMEKEEPER:
My grandfather's clock was too tall for the shelf,
So it stood ninety years on the floor;
It was taller by half than the old man himself,
Though it weighed not a penny weight more.
It was made on the morn of the day that he was born.
And was
always his treasure and pride.
But it stopped short, never to go again,
When the
old man died.
Ninety years without slumbering, tick, tock, tick, tock,
His life seconds numbering, tick, tock, tick, tock,
It stopped short, never to go again,
When the old man died.