SHHH

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British Humor at Its Finest

(Overdue) Official SHHH Cheesecake Photo

As a fellow member of the "axis of evil," Kim Jong Il must have found the rapid fall of Saddam Hussein unsettling. But to North Korea's Dear Leader, America is not only a potential military enemy, but also an insidious moral threat. The danger posed is outlined in "On Vigorously Combating the Infiltration of Capitalist Ideology and Culture," a 16-page North Korean document which TIME has obtained. Stamped "For Internal Party Use Only" and purportedly distributed to senior Party officials late last year, the document asserts that the U.S., South Korea and Japan are besieging the North with pornographic videos, Hollywood movies and racy South Korean TV dramas. This, it warns, is "the underhanded method the imperialists employ along with military force to subvert and conquer a country."

The paper is a rare indication from inside North Korea that the country's impoverished masses may be losing faith in the system—or at least getting bored with it. Kim himself is reputed to have a vast collection of foreign movies, some of them blue. Everyone else has to make do with a single state-run TV channel that serves up a starchy diet of Kim coverage, propaganda songs and chaste films with revolutionary themes. But errant desires are hard to control: the document states that customs authorities seized twice as much porn and other contraband in 2002 as they did in 2001. Toxic foreign influences typically enter the country via its porous border with China, across which Chinese and North Korean traders smuggle videotapes and music cassettes. While food remains in desperately short supply, surplus porn has sent prices tumbling. In 1995, according to a Chinese broker who works the border, a skin flick sold for $100. "Now you don't earn money selling porn because it's so common. When you sell South Korean dramas, you give out a few porn videos for free."

Those South Korean TV dramas are now hugely popular in the North. Before she fled North Korea to China in early March, Park Sun Hee (not her real name) had seen all the latest South Korean soaps. She says she once rigged a line to a factory to steal electricity and watched the hit soap Juliet's Man until dawn. "I was very happy," she says. "It was a very revolutionary thing for me to stay up all night watching movies." That's exactly what scares the Party. The document warns that if nothing is done, "Socialism is going to crumble like a mud wall soaked in water." So it instructs cadres to deliver a "severe blow" to illicit viewers and "quickly turn in all the impure materials you have to the related authorities." That way, they can watch them too.

AP

Another iced water, sir?

HOOTERS restaurants have become something of an American icon. The 20-year-old chain, which prides itself on burgers, beer, and spicy chicken bits served by busty lasses in form-fitting tops and short shorts, is now offering its unique style of service in the sky. Hooters Air started flying in March between Atlanta and Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, a middle-class resort featuring sun, surf, and several of the chain's outlets. It has since added routes to Washington, DC, and New York.

Recent pain in the airline industry has helped the fledgling carrier to take off. When Vanguard, a small American airline, went bust last year, it left Myrtle Beach, home to Hooters' founder, with one fewer airline. Although a bid for Vanguard failed, he picked up a charter airline, Pace, on the cheap, fitting out two Boeing 737s with extra leg room and Hooters' distinctive bulging-eyed owl logo slapped on its tail.

Each Hooters flight is staffed by “Hooters Girls”, whose attire could be considered risqué only in the most isolated parts of America. Even so, using female “sex appeal”, for which the firm makes no apology, is something abandoned by other airlines since the 1970s.

Back then, with fares regulated, airlines competed on everything from steaks cooked-to-order to stewardesses' hemlines. Southwest Airlines, now America's leading discount carrier, got its start with ads that pushed its flight attendants' micro mini-skirts. Those days are long gone: after losing a lawsuit two decades ago over its “hot pants” uniform, Southwest's attendants tend now towards neatly pressed unisex khakis.

Indeed, Hooters has been attacked by regulators and private lawyers for its restaurant hiring practices (namely, its refusal in the face of all common sense to let men, undoubtedly eager for the job, become Hooters Girls). So far it has prevailed, but its experience has chastened its approach in the air: Hooters makes clear that cabin service is run by professional flight attendants, with the Hooters Girls as an additional perk.

More seductive than using sex to sell seats is the airline's economics. Hooters' niche is not an obvious threat to America's big airlines or their discount rivals. But its business model might be. Michael O'Leary of Ryanair, Europe's fastest growing discount airline, has predicted that airlines will be paid by cities and businesses to fly passengers free. That future may already be here. Rather than a profit centre in its own right, Hooters Air is more akin to a marketing expense, building the Hooters brand. If airline seats increasingly become promotional giveaways, big airlines may have a lot more to fear than a little silicone.

EM Emeritus Kimchi Marine

Former GM Double Orange Returns!

The Circle

The grease of the night were Italian sandwiches.  I verified that they were Italian by finding curly black hair in my sandwich.  After eating a few we commenced on the drinking of the evening. 

 The Hash Horn was blown again and trail comments included that there were no blankspace traps on the BlankSpace trail?  Also so many checks and so few directions.  The Wingee was then announced to be DODIC so Jollygreenknob handed over the sweaty wings to him.  

DODIC was called up as a Returning Hasher and he handed out a bag tag to GM LeperCon and ShiTonya.  BlankSpace was called up as a returning hasher and he provided hats to LeperCon and ShiTonya.  Kimchi Marine was called up and sang a long song.  Double Orange was also called up as a Returning Hasher and provided a tee-shirt for the GM.

At this point the pretty police woman returned with two other police officers.  They said someone had called 119-911 over the white powder and wanted a to sacrifice a hasher.  I offered myself up since I really do not want to stay in Korea I figured that if I can create an international incident perhaps the Ambassador will send me to America.

The police left again when they realized that I do not speak Korean.  

About this time DODIC commented that BlankSpace was wearing a trolling for Boy Scouts shirt but BlankSpace denied it and stated he was trolling for Girl Scouts, not Boy Scouts.  Sounds like BlankSpace should become a priest.  

Twin Cheeks was splashed and told us a lovely joke about stutterers and blow jobs.  Ammo told a typical Ammo joke about Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson camping.  Too ethereal for me.  STBN Alex then related a true story that all of his problems were solved when he started eating Korean.  

Rover showed up just in the nick of time to bring us more of our beverage of choice, beer.  He again told the joke about eating a hot dog to get free beer.  Following that ShiTonya again related about how thank god he is not British.  GM LeperCon related how to tell when you have been in Korea too long, you think rice with your steak is a good thing. The GM noted that Korea's ultimate OnIn took place 33 years ago that day when the folks way up north decided to pay an over-the-top visit.

The police did not come back again and Kimchi Marine, the MAN who introduced our anthem to us, led us with a particularly invigorating rendition of Way Down South.  The ON ON was at Kelly’s where the girls are prettier.  At Kelly’s we ran into Major Lying Bastard who unfortunately is leaving Korea.  At Kelly’s many beers were drunk and a few hashers were drunk.   In order to completely satisfy ourselves with our beverage of choice a few of us went to Three Alley Pub after Kelly’s.

 Jollygreenknob, Hon Sec