"This way, assholes!"

S.W.A.T. camp front gate

OnOn and UpUp - until called DownDown by the SWAT camp guards

Last Week’s Notes:

So this was how it was supposed to go:  We would show up an hour early by the "pagoda."   Some drove and others took the subway. The latter group were given a chance to play Exit Roulette - and if the hound chose exit #2, he was the winner!  Otherwise, OnOnOn!!  Generally it all worked out but we learned a lesson or two.

By all reasons and accounts, the run was to be (and was) a most special event for several reasons.  Not least, this was former GM Rawhide's Farewell Run, being honored none less than Hazukashii who jetted in from Tokyo and supported by our youngest hound, Bendover Rover as co-hares.

Eventually we more or less all assembled: Ammo, Nightcrawler, GM Plug and Play, Returning Hasher Faceplant, Blank Space, Jolly Green Knob, LeperCon, Bones, Capt Marvel, OB1, BaliHite and Adjumonster. 

With a BLAST (Gads!  He's actually been practicing!) from Ammo's Hash Horn, the GM called the circle together.  OB1 was recognized as last run's Wingee and was properly splashed.  The Co-hares were called up to explain the trail.  We were told of an A/D split that would save some about a quarter of the run.   As samples of the trail markers were cast at our feet, they proclaimed that they had used chalk, toilet paper and (gasp!) flour.  Rover "thought he was turning Japanese" (we didn't think so!) in honor of Dec. 7th but after welcoming long lost world tripping Faceplant back into our pack, the Hares pointed toward a sign that read "Ipsan Geumji" (whatever that meant), and we were off!

Adjumonster and Night Crawler

The Trail

Up the dirt road we jogged and then off to the left and past a chain link fence complete with a rifle toting guard.  Down through the leafy trail we skipped and out on to a clearing with three possible direction.  The majority of the pack headed down and the slow, fat bastards hung around until we heard Ammo shout "no trail" from below.  Suddenly he at the end was at the front, LeperCon starting jumping about pointing to all directions of compass as those below shouted, "Are you?!"  But he wasn't.  True Trail was option number three - at the same elevation that soon took us down to a small exercise yard and down steep stairs into what we discovered to be the training camp of the national police S.W.A.T. training camp.  As our pack ran up the paved road past the tennis court, policemen waving tennis rackets (and automatic weapons) came streaming out to direct us to the front gate.  But, hey!  That's NOT true trail!!

As the pack was escorted out the gate, Ammo, Jolly Green and <__> were already back up the hill we had just descended, ignoring shouts from the police to come down.  Ah! diplomatic immunity for the special few...

As we milled around, it came into the half-minds of the pack to follow the other three hounds' lead outside but in parallel with the fence.  Jumping over a drainage ditch and up the hill they bound - but were called down by the Boys in Blue.  It was then at this point a couple of ploys were put into play.  Most decided to "zen" it to the ridge behind the camp by dropping down and going around a bus terminal.  The reckoning was correct and they were on trail.  They encountered more chalk plus toilet paper not to mention a number of training mock ups including a complete airplane. Eventually Night Crawler, Plug and Play and Adjumonster opted for the D Trail while Ammo, OB1 and BaliHite took the more scenic A Trail.

LeperCon worried about getting lost in the exercise while having another engagement later in the evening chose to succumb to the photographic temptation of an exceptional piece of Buddhist kitsch at the neighboring temple (see at bottom of Trash), before hoofing back to the Hounds to report what had happened.

Meantime, Capt Marvel and Rawhide who had started out with the pack took their own course from the first turn off by electing to stay with the road and made it on to the ridge.  There they crossed paths with Ammo, Blank Space and Jolly Green and ultimately with the rest of the pack - although not concurrently.  Those two hounds came in a short time after LeperCon.  Eventually the rest of the pack arrived.

The returning pack then turned their attention to Kentucky Fried Chicken and BEER!  About this time a quietly fuming EM ShiTonya arrived after playing a less than enjoyable game of subway exit roulette during the previous hour.

The Circle:

With the change in start times, we began in still daylight with yet another BLAST of the Hash Horn.  This time we had a real fire - in spite half-hearted admonitions from the earlier local Open Flame Nazis.  EM ShiTonya gave the Hash Benediction.  Comments were plentiful about that run in and out of a military camp.  The Hares said that a commanding officer had agreed to the pack running through - or, that is what they thought he had consented to in English... Oh well, a miscommunication here and a weapon's safety switched off there - it's all part of the joy of Hashing in the Republic.

Other comments included confusion of discerning between Hares' left toilet paper and other such, though more soiled, examples found by the trail along the ridge.  Nonetheless, points were readily given to the Hares for the trail passing by an airplane on a hill - perhaps a first.  One more comment was made regarding how much the place had improved since the first time years ago when we had set a run there:  "We find a trail, the locals develop it - and then try to expel us! (harrumph!)"

It was also noted that the Hares had made no mention of the firing range, but Hazukashii (true Marine that he is), noted they felt no need to point it out since the trail took the Pack directly behind the targets.   

EM ShiTonya remarked that the purpose of the Run Directions was not to discombobulate [v.t. to confuse or disconcert; upset, frustrate. <1825~35, Amer,; fanciful alter. of DISCOMPOSE or DISCOMFORT  - Websters>] other Hashers and strongly suggested that if subway directions are given that the Exit NUMBER also be offered.  With that, the Hash Shit was ceremoniously passed on to Bendover Rover who had authored the Run Directions.

Noticing that Bones was not quite in proper form, a cry went out to rush him packets of condiments of ketchup and mustard.  These he quickly consumed and the pack regained its collective consciousness.  It was at this point, the Hares were asked who was the asshole who preceded all other assholes.  The immediate agreement it was none other than Rawhide!

The GM then began his work going through The Categories.  There were no Recently Paid Up Hounds (cheap bastards that we were), but we had a Paid-Up Guest, Adjumonster, from the Yongson Hash - and also about a week short before leaving Korea.  He had no joke but did recount a particularly difficult and sordid early Hash experience where he learned the benefits of drinking after the run rather than before.

The GM then called out for Returning Hashers!

Hazukashii stepped forward and reported that his last Seoul Hash had been at the infamous 1500th Run two years back.  As penance for not coming back sooner, he brought along a couple of copies of the 6th Edition of the Hash Hymnal that he distributed among the GM, Rawhide, the EM and fellow Marine OB1.  Our wayward Hasher also brought updates about LIFA, Toxic Shock, Animal, Shitonmyface and others.  He then gave the GM a Sumo Hash patch as his final booty.  He then ended by leading us in song about our favorite oxymoron, solitaire intercourse.

Hash Shit awarded

Return (for a while) of Faceplant

Hash Caroling

DODIC Master and Rawhide

EM ShiTonya reported on his trip to Fuck-U-OK, Japan to witness the sumo basho.  He brought to the fire last year's sumo calendar from the event to which he set flame.  Before doing so he went through the various months' photos noting particularly prominent mammaries on the athletes and why a deflated nipple of one was the likely cause of his demise.

Faceplant returned from his travels to the Philippines, the US, the UK (and probably elsewhere).  He presented the GM a Florida t-shirt with a Yongsang Hash mascot look alike on the back.

Meantime Bones, the cold climate European that he is, stripped off his shirt and began drying it over the fire.

Rover reported back from traveling through SE Asia to attend some Hash runs there.   He brought along a Hash magazine complete with a brief article on the Seoul Hash with inappropriate pictures depicting Korea plus a reference to one of our own as as a "scum bag check."  (Time for a PR position on The Cummittee?)  Final comments:  we should check out the US Embassy these days as the locals were giving out free hair cuts by the front gate!

Finally, Rawhide stepped forward as he, too, had been traveling.  It was at this point the GM passed over the Pan to our Departing Hound.  Before calling others up, Rawhide ceremoniously dropped a special home video on to the sacred flames.  He then offered some old German 8mm movies he had purchased many years ago but alas! no one had an 8mm movie projector (vexations!) About that time fireworks (really) went off over his shoulder from a near-by valley.  Was it coincidence or was it preordained?  We dared not ask much less answer the question.

After delivering a spiritual homily referring to Songs 129 ("Go forth and seek; and further up ye shall seek Glory!"), Rawhide began calling up the other hares.

First up was Capt Marvel who gave his usual updates from the media.  This week's features were Michael Jackson; a report from Big Boy about a murder trial in Texas stemming from someone drinking the last beer in his friend's refrigerator; an account of relationship-oriented husband who pretended to actually give a shit about what his wife was babbling; and finally a report about a Japanese-English dictionary of apologies including "Very sorry I clogged up your sink, I didn't want to vomit on the floor."

Blank Space, BaliHite, Bones and OB1 offered their jokes.  Jolly Green Knob reached into his wide repertoire of Hash Hymns to sing one of his favorites.

Last and perhaps least, LeperCon was called up.  He offered an Irish tune that smacked of a country melody by The Pogues, "Dirty Old Town," tailored for the occasion as:

Dirty Old Man

Rubbed my hands at the old park bench,
Looked around to find a wench
Grabbed a girl by the suljip wall
Dirty old man
Dirty old man

Drop my pants - to shine a moon
Just to hear the young girls swoon
Sing a song still out of tune
Dirty old man
Dirty old man 

Heard a siren from the cops
Ran away like an old gray fox
To sniff the wind for one more chance
Dirty old man
Dirty old man

I might come back given the chance
From the bar ready to prance
Won't let my fame ever fade and die
Dirty old man
Dirty old man

Not accustomed to such an raw, unabashed display of affectionate sentiment, more than a few eyes moistened and at least one hound turn his back to the fire in embarrassment so as to pretend to swig at a beer lest others see his emotional state.

Capt Marvel on behalf of the Seoul Hash then provided Rawhide with his silver mug in recognition to all that he had offered to the group over the years.

With that EM ShiTonya pulled out of his bag some Halloween cups, a Christmas holidays decorated quart of eggnog and some Barcadi's 151 rum.  To which we saluted the start of the Hash Holidays.

On cue, Capt Marvel stepped up front to join the EM in leading the rest of the pack in the annual rendition of the Hash Christmas Carols - whose lyrics shall never be disclosed outside of the Circle and the cheat sheets were carefully burned following the last song.

The GM then took back the Pan and asked Rawhide one last time which way he felt like going.  And to the amazement of none, Rawhide pointed Way Down South - and then OnOn to the the Silk Load, er, Shit Load, that is, Dew - the new name of the same Itaewon establishment.

Change its name and stop serving draft beer, but the Silk Road or whatever it called itself was still the same. We had a friendly time with the manager but by mutual and amicable consent, that night was the last official function there as our Hash Bar. So down came our signs and next week we expect to put up our mark up on the wall of the Mia Fiore below the Three Alley Pub.  

Jockstrap, Mrs OB1 and DODIC Master showed up to offer a final, fond farewell to Rawhide as he prepared to set off within a week OnOn to the next stage of his life back in the US.

Marine to Marine Hymnal hand off

Mrs OB1 and Rawhide